


My Secret

by gelowo93



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 09:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelowo93/pseuds/gelowo93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur are happy with their current friends-with-benefits situation. Until they aren't, because they aren't seeing each other as often as they would like, and their time together keeps getting interrupted by their interfering friends. So Merlin decides to take the initiative and move their relationship forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Cat (Ceewelsh) for Beta-ing this for me :)

Fridays were always Merlin’s favourite day of the week, no matter what he had planned for them; if there was something he particularly wanted to do, he would rearrange everything just so that he could do it on a Friday night. After a full week of work, he would give himself the evening off from writing essays and reading journal articles and rewriting the lecture notes, he’d relax, get a beer, and read a book, or watch TV. Sometimes he would go to someone’s house, or he’d go to the pub with a group of friends, whatever it was, it would be something he wanted to do, and he wouldn’t let anyone’s opinion of what every student worth his salt should be doing on a Friday night stop him. It was Merlin’s ‘me’ time, something that he had started in school and had got him through his GCSEs and A-levels, and he wasn’t going to get rid of it now.

Except for tonight, because, as much as his friends usually respected Merlin’s Friday nights to himself, they had taken over his original plans for that evening and forced themselves into his flat just because his flatmate, and oldest friend, Will, was away.

It was enough to make him angry at them. Not least of all because his original plans had involved getting laid.

But Merlin let them off - the last time he had been forced to miss his ‘do what I want’ Friday nights had been at the beginning of first year when he had been too nervous and shy to say no and risk being thought of as weird by the people he had started to make friends with. Merlin had explained to them later about his tradition, and in the two years since they had never once questioned it when he had declined an invite somewhere because he had other plans. It was something that had come in handy recently.

However, there was a difference between forgiving his friends and being happy with the situation he was currently in, which was why he had spent the last hour and a half pretending to watch the rugby match with everyone else, while in reality he had been thinking of revenge plans for his five friends. He had got through Gwaine, Perce, and Leon, but was struggling with Lance, who he got on the best with, and who had apologised profusely after Merlin had reluctantly agreed to let them use his flat to watch the match. Merlin had decided on something less extreme for Lance than the others, when there was a loud mixture of cheers and groans, and Merlin had to look up to see who had scored, joining in belatedly with the cheering.

“Christ, Merlin, are you okay? That was a full five seconds after Westwood scored,” Gwaine said, mock concern on his face. “Don’t have any more to drink, we don’t want to have to miss the rest of the match to take you to the hospital or something.”

Merlin flipped him the finger, which only caused Gwaine to laugh before he turned back to the TV, where some player Merlin didn’t recognise missed the goal kick and the game resumed.

“Anyone want another beer?” asked Merlin. There was a general mumbling of “yes” and Merlin stood up. Next to him, Arthur did the same.

“I’ll help you carry them.”

Merlin followed Arthur through the hall and into the kitchen - Arthur had spent so much time at Merlin’s flat that he could probably find his way around blindfolded. As soon as Merlin stepped into the kitchen, the door was slammed behind him and he felt Arthur push him against it. In the next second, Arthur’s hands were at his hips, toying with the top of Merlin’s jeans, and his lips were against Merlin’s, kissing him fiercely. Merlin relaxed into the kiss, bringing his hands up and twisting them into Arthur’s blonde hair. Arthur tugged at Merlin’s lower lip, biting it gently until Merlin conceded and parted his lips with a groan, giving access to Arthur’s tongue.

Merlin leaned his head back so that it was resting against the door, and gave himself over to Arthur. One of Arthur’s hands had moved from Merlin’s waist and was now squeezing one buttock painfully, the other was reaching down the front of his jeans –

“Ngh, Arthur,” Merlin gasped, turning his head away from Arthur so that he could talk. “Can’t – the others – suspicious.”

Arthur groaned and took a step back, placing his hands on the door either side of Merlin, which gave Merlin just enough space to duck out from between Arthur and the door and walk towards the fridge to get the beers.

“I’m sorry, I know it was just supposed to be us two, but they wouldn’t stop pestering me, you know how they get,” Merlin said, opening the fridge and pulling the bottles of beer out.

“You could have said you had plans, that you were going out, or that it’s your Friday night thing and you wanted time on your own. “ Arthur hadn’t moved from his position leaning against the door. Merlin watched as his shoulders rose and fell with his breathing.

“Gwaine had already seen me texting you.”

“So? Lie and say we were arranging something for another day.”

“You know I’m no good at making things up on the spot, and it’s not as if we don’t lie to them enough. They don’t even know that either of us is gay, never mind that we’re shagging in our spare time.”

 “Fuck, it’s been _weeks_ ,” Arthur whined. “What’s the point in this if we don’t even get to see each other? And don’t say that we do see each other in lectures, because you know that’s not what I mean.” Arthur finally turned around to stare straight into Merlin’s eyes. Merlin stared back, noticing Arthur’s tightened lips and the wrinkle that appeared between his eyebrows whenever he was annoyed, but despite Arthur’s obvious outward anger and sexual frustration, the thing that niggled away at Merlin’s brain was the way Arthur had spoken. It hadn’t been anger, it was more like longing, or desperation, and Merlin began to wonder when their friends with benefits set-up had turned into something else, if he had interpreted Arthur’s tone of voice correctly, because they weren’t supposed to be mutually exclusive, they were allowed to have sex with other people, and the fact that Merlin hadn’t gone off and slept with dozens of other people didn’t change that. They hadn’t talked about it, but Merlin had assumed that Arthur was going out and hooking up with strangers, and it didn’t bother him. That Arthur didn’t appear to be doing this was a surprise to Merlin. Now wasn’t the time to get into this sort of conversation though.

“We’ll talk about it, okay? We’ll sort it out.” Merlin passed some of the bottles to Arthur, picked some up for himself to carry, and grabbed the bottle opener from the counter.

“Fine.”

The tone of Arthur’s voice made it sound like he was far from fine, and it made Merlin wince, but he couldn’t dwell on it right now. He did his best to forget about their complicated relationship and mentally prepare himself to watch the rest of the match with the others.

Back in the crowded living room, everyone had inexplicably switched seats, leaving the two free spaces on opposite sides of the room, something that Merlin couldn’t help be grateful for. Arthur and he passed round the bottles.

“What took you so long?” Perce asked as Merlin handed him a beer. “We were about to send Elyan in to see if you were sucking his cock.” Perce nodded his head in Arthur’s direction.

“Funny,” Arthur said, and everyone turned slightly at the traces of hostility in his voice. Arthur must have realised, because he softened his tone and smiled when he said, “Idiot over there couldn’t find the bottle opener.”

“Well, it’s not like you were helping, Mr-I-didn’t-realise-I-was-sat-on-something.”  Merlin sat down in the battered old armchair, taking a swig of his beer and eyeing Arthur over the top of the bottle. He turned to Percival, “And what makes you think I’d be the one giving him the blowjob? If anyone’s getting on their knees it’s him.”

The others laughed, and returned their attention to the match, which was in its last few minutes. They watched in silence until the final whistle blew, which was when Gwaine, Leon, Lance, Perce, and Elyan started their full blown discussion of the match in all its details, criticising the squads that the coaches had put out, who had been chosen to kick the goals, the moves that the players had made… Merlin didn’t understand most of what they were saying – he didn’t mind watching the matches but talking tactics bored him and he struggled to get excited about who was being transferred and to which team and who was going to replace them. Merlin stopped paying attention to what they were saying, occasionally tuning back in to the conversation to see if they had changed the topic to something he could contribute to, but for the most part he surreptitiously watched Arthur.

He was sat on the sofa squashed on the end next to Leon, who had Perce on the other side of him. Arthur was slightly hunched over the beer that was still in his hands, as if protective of it, which wouldn’t be unusual if he was sat next to Gwaine. He was being mostly quiet, not joining in with the discussion going on around him unless he had something of value to contribute, and his dark blue eyes were fixed on the bottle in front of him, but even from this distance Merlin could tell that he wasn’t really seeing it, and he wondered what Arthur was thinking about, whether he was thinking about _them_ when there shouldn’t be anything there to think about. There wasn’t supposed to be anything to think about a friends-with-benefits scenario, that was the whole point of it, it was just sex, no commitment involved.

Merlin didn’t notice that the room had gone quiet until Lance was calling his name, and Merlin looked up, surprised.

“Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird all night.”

“I’m fine,” Merlin said, putting on a smile that even he could tell looked fake. “Just had a busy week, I’ve got deadlines next week.”

“Right.” Lance didn’t look convinced, his eyes shifted to look at Arthur and then back to Merlin, but chose not to say anything. Merlin wondered if Lance thought he knew something, but dismissed the idea - he had probably just noticed that they were both in bad moods. “Any plans for the weekend or are you just writing essays?”

Merlin did his best to pay attention to what was happening around him after that, joining in and making jokes. He wasn’t sure that everyone believed the act he was putting on, but it was better than nothing, and Arthur started talking as well, acting more like his old self. The conversation drifted through the usual topics – uni, what the rugby coach was making the others do in practices, discussing their next game, and when Merlin started to not pay attention again, Leon noticed and changed the topic, this time to Lance and his relationship with Gwen, but that was quickly shot down by Elyan’s protests of “stop, that’s my sister you’re talking about.” Gwaine managed to fill the awkward silence that followed that by asking Arthur when Morgana was next coming to visit him, which only resulted in Arthur grabbing a cushion, apologising to Merlin first, throwing it at Gwaine, and responding with “and that’s _my_ sister, and she would tear you apart and eat the pieces.”

They passed the time by joking around and laughing. At one point someone went flicking through the TV channels and stopped at a bad film, which they then proceeded to point out all the ridiculous things in, and gave up when one of the characters changed love interests halfway through with no explanation. Merlin laughed until his sides hurt, and he stopped regretting allowing his friends to come over to watch TV and drink bad beer, that was, until he caught Arthur’s eye and he could feel the laughter fading from his face. Merlin grinned sheepishly at Arthur in an almost apology for enjoying himself when he knew exactly what they would be doing if they hadn’t had to cancel their plans.

Before they knew it, it was 3am, and all that was left of the beer that had been in the flat was empty bottles scattered around the living room. The TV was blasting out whatever music was playing on the music channel that Perce had left it on, and Gwaine, Lance, and Elyan had left their seats and were now lying on the floor, Gwaine using the pillow Arthur had thrown at him earlier as a pillow, and Lance and Elyan were propped up against the sofa.

“Shit, when did it get to half three?” Leon said from the armchair he had stolen from Gwaine at some point.

“Don’t care, I’m sleeping,” muttered Gwaine.

“No, not in my flat,” Merlin said, sitting up properly after lying across the arms of his armchair. “The last time you stayed I walked in on you the next morning wanking on the sofa. You’re leaving or helping me clear up this mess in the morning.”

At Merlin’s words, Arthur jumped up from the sofa that he had been lying on.

“Fuck, you could have told me!”

“Don’t worry, I washed it after, you can sit back down.”

Arthur did so, gingerly, while everyone else started to make an effort to get up, muttering about needing to be awake in a few hours, and wondering out loud about why third year had to be so difficult, and didn’t they deserve a lie in after working for the past two years. Arthur, however, stayed put.

“Not leaving, Arthur?” Perce said.

“I’m not walking across town at this time and the buses have stopped.  You don’t mind, do you, Merlin?”

“As long as you don’t mind sleeping on Gwaine’s wanking sofa.”

Arthur paused, as if he was debating it, but they both knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping there. After Arthur’s behaviour earlier, Merlin had the impression that they wouldn’t be doing much sleeping, and he would be lying if his cock wasn’t half hard in anticipation.

“I’ve slept on worse.”

“Fine by me.” Merlin turned away from Arthur and showed the others to the door. They all lived a lot closer to Merlin than Arthur did, and Leon and Lance lived together, so Merlin wasn’t terribly concerned about them getting attacked, and they were far enough from the clubs in the town centre that they wouldn’t run into anyone coming home drunk just yet. They said goodnight – Arthur shouted from the other room – and they left, with Merlin shutting the front door behind them.

Merlin turned round, and then Arthur was there, barely two steps away. Arthur closed the distance between them, pressing Merlin up against the wall and grabbing his hands, pinning them above Merlin’s head.

“Now where were we?” Arthur said, his mouth close enough to Merlin’s cheek for Merlin to feel his breath. Arthur’s breath was low and rough, the sound of it going straight to Merlin’s cock and his jeans were suddenly uncomfortably tight, a situation that wasn’t helped by Arthur grinding up against Merlin, and he could feel Arthur’s growing erection through their jeans.

“Fuck, you couldn’t wait until we were in my room?” Merlin said through grit teeth. Arthur ignored him, pushing his hips further into Merlin’s and forcing his tongue between his lips. Merlin could feel Arthur’s hands pressing against his own, squashing them against the wall until it was painful, but Merlin didn’t care. His senses were overwhelmed by Arthur; the press of his body along Merlin’s own, the smell of him engulfing them both, Merlin could taste the beer on Arthur’s tongue, and he swallowed each of the small grunts and moans that Arthur made in his mouth. It was when they were like this, when Merlin’s entire world was taken up by Arthur, that Merlin was truly happy. His brain was empty of everything except Arthur, the feel of him, and the way he made Merlin feel, as if nothing else mattered.

Pulling away to catch his breath, Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s, gasping for air. His hips didn’t stop moving, and Merlin had to bite down on his lip to stop the moan that threatened to escape. If Arthur didn’t stop that right now then Merlin was going to come without Arthur even touching him properly. Merlin opened his eyes to see Arthur’s face so close to his own, his eyes still closed and his chest moving up and down rapidly. Arthur’s lips were red and swollen from the rough kiss, and slightly parted so that Merlin caught a flash of white of his teeth.

“Arthur – Arthur – fuck I’m going to come if you – hngh – bed isn’t that far –”

“No.” It would have been a growl if Arthur had had enough breath. As it was, his voice was shaky and barely under control. “Not gonna let Gwaine claim the sofa.”

Arthur’s hands let go of Merlin’s at the same moment that Merlin’s legs turned to jelly, and he had to grab at the wall behind him to keep himself upright. Arthur put a hand at the small of Merlin’s back and started walking backwards towards the living room, pulling Merlin with him. Merlin let him, not trusting himself to be able to stand up straight without Arthur for support. He tilted his head and starting mouthing at Arthur’s neck, licking and sucking, enticing a moan from Arthur and he stumbled.

Fortunately, they had reached the living room and Arthur fell backwards onto the sofa over the arm. He scrambled backwards until he was lying flat on his back, pulling at Merlin’s shirt to make him follow. Merlin obliged, clambering over Arthur and continuing to suck on his neck hard enough to leave marks. He ran his hands down Arthur’s sides and felt Arthur’s hands in his hair, pressing his head down, not letting him stop, so he didn’t, and was rewarded by Arthur’s moans growing louder and his back arching up off the sofa, pressing their groins together.

Merlin couldn’t take it anymore, he moved one hand to get between their jeans, using the other to hold himself on top of Arthur. He deftly unbuttoned Arthur’s jeans and pushed them down with his boxers, freeing his long and hard cock that had pre-come glistening at the head. Merlin made quick work of getting his own jeans out of the way, and then their cocks were rubbing against each other and Merlin let out a long low moan at the contact. He wrapped his free hand around them, running his thumb across both of their slits, mixing the pre-come, and stroking them in a ragged rhythm, that only grew faster when Arthur started fucking into Merlin’s hand. It didn’t take long for Arthur to come, a few more tugs and then he came with a shout, pulsing come over both of their shirts. Merlin felt Arthur shudder beneath him, and came soon after, collapsing on top of Arthur and smearing the come on their shirts.

They lay like that for a few moments, coming down from their orgasms and waiting for their breathing and heartbeats to slow down again. When Merlin no longer felt as if he’d just ran a marathon, he rolled over so that he was no longer crushing Arthur, and was between him and the back of the sofa. Merlin leaned over and kissed Arthur lazily on the corner of his mouth.

“Bed?” Merlin asked.

“Mmm… bed sounds good.”

Merlin sat up, dragging Arthur with him. They climbed off the sofa, and Merlin was pulling his boxers and jeans up so that he could walk without falling when Arthur’s lips crashed against his, forcing him backwards against the wall again. They kissed their way to the bedroom, their hands everywhere, touching, stroking, pulling the other closer, twisting their hands in the other’s hair and refusing to let go. By the time they fell through his bedroom door, Merlin’s cock was hard again. Arthur’s hand trailed down his chest and stomach, stopping when he was palming Merlin’s erection. Merlin groaned and pushed Arthur onto the bed. He landed with his arms and legs spread out, his jeans and boxers halfway down his thighs and his cock hard again.

Merlin took off his shirt, tossing it on the floor and crawled onto the bed, pulling off Arthur’s clothes as he reached them, first his socks, then his jeans, and his boxers, until Merlin was straddling Arthur’s hips. He reached down to take off Arthur’s shirt, Arthur helped by sitting up slightly, and Merlin threw it behind him, not paying attention to where it went because he had Arthur beneath him, naked. He stared down at Arthur, his eyes taking in his ruffled hair, his kiss-swollen red lips, the fine chest hair, and every line and contour of his body.

He must have been staring for too long, because Arthur jerked his hips upwards.

“Trousers off.” Arthur’s lips curled into a smile as he grabbed Merlin’s shoulders and sat up to kiss Merlin. Merlin did his best to shimmy out of his jeans, but in the end he had to break the kiss and use his hands to push his jeans and underwear down further until he could pull them off with his feet.

The contact of skin on skin sent shivers down Merlin’s spine as he pushed Arthur back onto the bed, burying his face in Arthur’s shoulder, kissing his collarbone there while Arthur wrapped his legs around Merlin’s hips and groaned, his head leaning back on the bed, exposing his neck. Merlin licked along Arthur’s collarbone towards his neck, sucking at the hollow between his collarbones before moving up to his neck, and the spot where Arthur’s jaw met his ear.

“Merlin… Merlin…” Arthur’s voice was whiney. “Want you on my cock, now.  Want you to ride me.”

Merlin didn’t say anything in reply. He nibbled at Arthur’s earlobe before reaching over to his bedside cabinet, opening the drawer and rummaging around until he felt the cool plastic and foil. He pressed the bottle of lube into Arthur’s hand, placed the condom wrapper within easy reach on the bed, and shifted forwards slightly, returning to kiss Arthur’s neck. The popping open of the bottle of lube sounded louder than normal in the silence, and Merlin could hear Arthur squeezing it onto his hands, closing the lid, and throwing the bottle aside.

Then, Arthur’s slick hand was at the small of Merlin’s back, drawing a line down between his buttocks and circling his hole several times. Merlin had to stop mouthing at Arthur’s neck and close his eyes when he felt a finger press at the muscle and enter. Biting his lip, Merlin groaned in Arthur’s ear, which only encouraged Arthur to press deeper into Merlin. He pulled out, rubbed around the muscle again and then added another finger, scissoring and slowly stretching Merlin open. A third finger entered him, and Merlin was letting out a near constant moan straight into Arthur’s ear, but it didn’t make him hurry up. Arthur took his time, and when he finally pulled his fingers out Merlin felt empty.

He counted to ten, taking deep breaths to calm himself, and then moved his way down Arthur, dragging his lips across Arthur’s chest, pausing at one nipple to lick around it, continuing down, licking a line down his stomach until he reached Arthur’s cock. Merlin briefly licked around the head of his cock, tasting the pre-come, and then pulled away. He grabbed the condom wrapper, ripping it open and placed the condom on Arthur’s cock. Merlin spared a glance up at Arthur, who had his eyes closed, mouth open – panting – and his hands were fists against the duvet. The sight of Arthur like that made Merlin’s cock twitch and he looked around for the bottle of lube. It was on the bed just out of reach and Merlin had to crawl forwards to pick it up.

Merlin squeezed the rest of the bottle into his hand and threw it off the bed. He stroked Arthur’s cock once, twice, three times, slicking it up with lube. When Merlin’s hand slid over Arthur’s cock with ease, he clambered over Arthur until they were face to face again. Merlin kissed him, pushing his tongue past Arthur’s lips and licking around his mouth until Arthur was moaning and wouldn’t stop. Merlin pulled away, pressed his lips against Arthur’s one last time, and backed down onto Arthur’s cock, letting Arthur guide it in.

Merlin sank down on it slowly, feeling the burn and enjoying it. He pulled off again, just as slowly, raising himself on his knees slightly, and setting a slow rhythm that soon had Arthur begging him for more. Merlin closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of Arthur’s cock inside him, slowly going in and out, but he couldn’t ignore Arthur’s moans of “ _Fuck, Merlin, fuck, faster please, Merlin, shit – I can’t – fu-u-u-ck_ ”. He had to hold down Arthur’s hips to stop him from thrusting up into Merlin, and he could feel Arthur’s hands at his own hips, gripping tightly, and clawing at his skin. Merlin opened his eyes and saw Arthur absolutely _shattered_. His sweat covered chest was arched off the bed, his head leaning back as far as it could, and his eyes scrunched closed.

Something inside Merlin broke seeing Arthur like that, and he let go of Arthur’s hips, letting him fuck into Merlin with abandon. One of Arthur’s hands moved to Merlin’s cock stroking him out of rhythm to his thrusts, and Merlin couldn’t stop himself then from moaning louder and louder until he could feel himself on the edge of his orgasm. A few strokes later, and Merlin was coming, spilling come on Arthur’s stomach, and seeing white. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he registered Arthur stilling, and knew that he had reached orgasm, too.

When Merlin regained awareness, his head had been tucked under Arthur’s chin and his face pressed into his collarbone. Their legs were intertwined and one of Merlin’s arms had been manoeuvred so that it curled around Arthur’s side and lay along his shoulder blades, while one of Arthur’s arms was positioned in the same way. Arthur was decidedly more conscious, however, as a finger was tracing patterns along Merlin’s back, making Merlin shiver with pleasure. He smiled against Arthur’s skin.

“Hey,” murmured Arthur, pressing a kiss into Merlin’s hair.

Merlin hummed in response, still smiling and keeping his eyes closed, as if this would turn out to be nothing but a vivid dream if he opened them. Right now, Merlin was happy; he ached, but it was a pleasant ache, and here he could pretend that they could stay like this forever, with no one to interrupt them, and that staying in bed together all day everyday was something that was possible, doing nothing but talking, touching the other, having sex until they were too sore to move.

But opening his eyes and letting reality intrude would make all of that disappear, and Merlin didn’t want it to. He didn’t want to have to sneak around their friends and lie to them on a daily basis. Merlin didn’t enjoy lying, he felt as if he had lied to himself for a long time and now that he had accepted himself he had switched the lying to other people. He just wanted to stop it once and for all.

Merlin shifted, trying to move so he could see Arthur’s face properly, but Arthur stiffened, his hold on Merlin tightening, and the action had a desperate edge to it.

Kissing Arthur’s collarbone briefly, Merlin said, “Arthur, I can’t move. I’m staying here, just let me move, hmm?”

Merlin kissed him again before Arthur relaxed and Merlin was able to shuffle back slightly, propping himself up on one arm and finally opening his eyes.

The grey light of dawn was brightening the room slightly, allowing Merlin to see the mess of clothes haphazardly thrown onto the floor and on top of piles of textbooks and folders. The duvet half dangled off the edge of the bed, while the other half covered their legs and most of Arthur; Merlin frowned slightly at this, wondering why he had been left to freeze in his own bed. Birds chirped outside the window, making the only sound Merlin could hear apart from his and Arthur’s breathing.

All of this was registered in Merlin’s brain as a side-note, because he was too busy taking in the sight of Arthur this close to him, relaxed, his blue eyes bright and only part way open, nevertheless, Merlin could tell that they were focused on him. His golden hair was dishevelled, sticking up in all directions in the worst example of sex hair, and sweat drenched, causing his fringe to be plastered on his forehead. The full pink lips whose taste Merlin was addicted to were slightly parted and turned up at the corners, and as Merlin watched Arthur, Arthur licked them, showing only the slightest sliver of tongue, and even that was enough to make Merlin’s cock twitch.

The first time they had hooked up had been at someone else’s house party, they had both drank far too much and had ended up in the bathroom with Merlin’s cock out and Arthur on his knees sucking it. Neither of them had talked about it afterwards, putting it down to having been so wasted that it was a surprise they remembered it at all.

After that, it had happened a few times when they were drunk and they ended up sneaking away from whoever they were with to get off together, and it had escalated to them texting each other when their homes were empty so they could come round for a quick shag. They had eventually gotten around to talking about what they were doing, admitting that they were gay - or bi, or just slightly messed up with the whole sexuality thing and willing to try anything to see if it felt right – and agreeing that while they both worked it out in their heads, neither one of them was against having sex together on the sly because they had really quite enjoyed it.

Their time together was always hurried, though, wrapped up in secrecy and wariness about getting caught, which meant that times like this, when they could lie next to each other after sex and relax, were rare. However, these were Merlin’s favourite times, and each time he pushed Arthur out the door, hiding him from sight and not getting a chance to say goodbye, Merlin’s heart broke a little, because while he did enjoy their arrangement, there was a part of him that wanted more.

The light fell oddly on Arthur, casting part of his face into shadow, accenting every line and crease, but all this did was make him even more beautiful to Merlin, and it made his heart ache for this moment to last forever, for him to grab Arthur and kiss him, soft at first but growing rougher until they were both panting and their cocks were hard and the only relief would be to fuck, covered in each other’s sweat…

Merlin blinked. Several times. Arthur was smirking, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

“Quit it,” Merlin said, swatting Arthur over the head. Arthur just smiled wider, and Merlin shook his head, failing to hide the grin on his face – he’d be annoyed if it wasn’t absolutely impossible to be annoyed at Arthur when they were like this, because both of them knew that times like this when they could kiss and cuddle after sex were so rare it was pointless to get angry when they did have this opportunity. Having the conversation Merlin wanted to have now would also be a waste of this moment when they were certain to have a few more hours to themselves, but it was playing on his mind, and he couldn’t help but stare at Arthur now, and wonder when he had stopped thinking of Arthur as a friend he could fuck when he wanted and as someone who he cared about and loved being around, and who he would rather lie in bed together with, neither of them talking, than spend his Friday nights alone with his favourite book.

“You know what you said earlier? When we were in the kitchen?”

“I don’t remember actually saying much to you then,” said Arthur, stretching his neck to reach up and kiss Merlin. Merlin leaned into the kiss for a moment before pulling away.

“You were complaining about it being ages since we’d, you know, done this.” Merlin waved his arm over them in a vague explanation of what _this_ was. Arthur didn’t reply, making a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. “Well, I was wondering if that meant you hadn’t slept with anyone else.”

Arthur closed his eyes briefly, and Merlin watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath. Instinctively, Merlin held his own breath, suddenly regretting starting the conversation and dreading what Arthur’s reply was going to be, because it couldn’t be good, not if Arthur had to prepare himself to say it.

“I haven’t. I gave that up a while ago when I –” Arthur paused, his expression one that Merlin had never seen before, until he realised that Arthur was being shy. “I like this, I like you. Sleeping with random strangers isn’t the same when we have this.”

“Does that mean that we’re sort of a couple?” Merlin felt his lips twitch into a smile and fought to stop them, something that he struggled with until he saw Arthur grimace and the whatever traces of a smile there were fell off his face.

 “Depends on what you mean by that. I’ve never been good at the relationship thing.”

“Well, it means we can stay in bed like this, and I can –” Merlin ran his free hand up Arthur’s back and neck where he reached his hair, and cupped Arthur’s head, pulling him closer to kiss him chastely “- and we can be soppy romantic fuckers. Or we can keep shagging like rabbits, and keep the neighbours up all night, and take photos of us in bed and wank over them later. We can do whatever we want, we don’t even have to tell anyone, but…” Merlin trailed off.

“But you want to,” Arthur finished the sentence for him.

“I don’t like lying to everyone, and it’s getting harder to keep us a secret. It’ll be a lot easier if they knew.”

“That’s if they’re okay with it.”

“And if they aren’t we find friends who are. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all great, but if they can’t accept us for who we are then I’m not sure I’ll want to be around them much.”

There was silence while Arthur thought about it. Merlin tried to be patient, but it was difficult; he wanted Arthur to agree and say that they could do this, they’d make it all work out because they cared about each other and that was what mattered, nevermind what anyone else thought.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“That’s what I said.” Arthur was smiling, and even though Merlin could see through it and see that he was a little terrified about this step they were taking, he couldn’t help but smile back, because all of this had started as a drunken mistake and Merlin had never been happier with the consequences of a mistake he had made.

“Does that mean I can call you my boyfriend?” Merlin rolled them both over until Arthur was underneath him and he repositioned their legs so that he was straddling Arthur.

“I suppose it does.” Arthur smiled wider.

“And we don’t have to keep hiding anymore?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

Words caught in Merlin’s throat – he couldn’t say them, not right now when Arthur had agreed to this. Not wanting to ruin the moment by acting on impulse, Merlin bit his lip and rolled off Arthur, curling into his side.

“You tease,” Arthur muttered against Merlin’s head.

“I know, you love it.”

Merlin thought he heard Arthur say something in response, but when he raised his head to look at him, Arthur had his eyes closed and was resting his head against Merlin’s hair. Merlin smiled to himself, closing his own eyes and touching his lips to Arthur’s shoulder, before sleep overcame him.

The bed was empty when Merlin awoke. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know; there was no warmth of another person’s body heat next to him and it left him cold despite being covered with the duvet. Merlin panicked for a moment, thoughts of Arthur regretting agreeing to them being a couple and having left in the night filling his mind, until he recognised the faint scent of cooking sausages and Merlin paused. Will had said he wouldn’t be back till later, and even if he had come back early Merlin was sure he had never made a cooked breakfast before in his life. Merlin sat up, sniffing the air.

Sausages. Bacon. Mushrooms. Burnt toast.

Merlin climbed out of bed, grabbing the first pair of sweatpants that he saw and putting them on. Opening the bedroom door intensified the smell, and Merlin padded down the hall in his bare feet, trying to make as little noise as possible. He pushed open the kitchen door slowly, peeking through the gap first, and spotted Arthur with his back to him, standing in front of the oven with a frying pan on the hob. Merlin smiled to himself, appreciating Arthur in nothing but his jeans and watching his back muscles ripple as he flipped over a piece of bacon. The door made a quiet _click_ when Merlin closed it, and the sound was enough for Arthur to glance behind him.

“Morning,” Arthur said, turning back to the cooking food.

“Morning.” Merlin walked over to stand next to Arthur where he wrapped an arm around his waist. “What are you doing?”

Arthur hesitated. “I’m making breakfast for my boyfriend.”

“You didn’t have to,” said Merlin, kissing Arthur on the cheek, “but your boyfriend appreciates it.”

“I’m glad.” Arthur looked away from the food properly for the first time to grin sheepishly at Merlin. “You didn’t have much in though, so we’ve got three sausages, one side of bacon, a handful of mushrooms, and shitloads of burnt toast because your toaster’s settings go from warm bread to blacker than Satan’s soul with no in between.”

Merlin picked up a slice of toast from a plate next to him on the counter and took a bite. “’S’not bad burnt toast. My toaster makes lovely burnt toast.”

“If you say so.” Arthur turned back to the sausages that were brown on one side and not cooked on the other. “I figured you’d have something to put on it so that it doesn’t taste of Hell.”

“We have peanut butter somewhere.” Merlin finished his slice of toast and went in search of clean plates and cutlery. There was a plate on the drainer, and he had opened three cupboards looking for another one when he opened the fourth to find a pile of them at the same time he heard the front door open. Merlin stood up, he saw Arthur’s panicked expression out of the corner of his eye and expected that his own would be similar.

“Stay here, don’t burn anything,” Merlin whispered. He headed out of the door, making sure that it was closed properly.

At the end of the hallway was a man hunched over one of the rucksacks that had been dropped at his feet. He had scruffy brown hair and a fair bit of stubble, as if he had forgotten to shave for a day or two. He was shorter than Merlin, but not by much, and was slightly stockier.

“Will! I wasn’t expecting you back until this afternoon.” Merlin walked towards his flatmate, enveloping him in a hug. “How was it?”

“Don’t. All I’ve had all week is the _how are you coping?_ and _I’m sorry_ and _I know it’s difficult but you’ve got to keep smiling_ crap. If I want to be miserable then I will be because my dad just died and nothing anyone says will make it better.” Will paused. “Can I smell sausages?”

“Erm, yeah,I was just cooking breakfast.”

“Excellent, I escaped this morning without eating. Is it nearly done?”

Will picked up his bags and started walking down the hall, past the door to his bedroom and towards the kitchen. Merlin panicked, his heart pounding. He didn’t know what Will would do if he walked into the kitchen to find a half-naked Arthur, especially seeing as Arthur and Will didn’t get on at the best of times. Merlin’s brain scrambled for some reason to not let Will into the kitchen.

“Almost, I just have to – erm – check on it and it should be – erm – done. Why don’t you put your stuff away and I’ll put it all onto plates?”

They stopped in front of the kitchen door, and what Merlin really wanted to do was spread his arms out to prevent Will from going in, but he thought that would raise suspicion. Instead, all he could do was hope that Will would take his suggestion and give him enough time to get Arthur out of the flat.

“Well aren’t you a good little house-wife.” Will grinned jokingly and turned around, back towards his bedroom.

Merlin let out a sigh of relief, and in the next second he was bursting into the kitchen, expecting to find Arthur where he had left him, but there was no one there. There was a brief moment during which Merlin thought that Arthur had jumped out of the window and down the four storeys of the apartment building, but it was interrupted by Arthur coming out from behind the door. He looked as if he was about to say something, but Merlin cut him off in a whisper,

“Will’s come back early, you have to leave now. Go get dressed and stay in my room until I get you.” Merlin almost pushed Arthur out of the kitchen, but not before Arthur could grab a sausage and two slices of toast and force them all into his mouth.

After closing the door as quietly as he could, Merlin leaned against it and counted to ten. Ten seconds was all he gave himself to panic, because Arthur was in the flat and Will didn’t know and as much as Merlin was planning to tell the truth to Will this wasn’t exactly how he wanted to go about it and how the hell was he going to get Arthur out without Will noticing because there was a grand total of six rooms in less than a hundred square metres, plus, Will was a nosy fuck. Once the ten seconds were over, Merlin took a deep breath and went to pile the food that Arthur had cooked onto plates for Will and himself.

He felt awful that Arthur had tried to do something nice for him and it had been ruined like this. It was made a million times worse by the fact that Arthur had made it quite clear last night that he was a bit of a commitment-phobe and was awkward about making romantic gestures, no matter how big or small they were. Merlin would have to apologise later, and make it up to him somehow. He wasn’t sure how exactly, and the only ideas coming to mind right now involved Arthur having his way with him in bed. He’d think about it, and talk to Arthur first.

Merlin had just sat down and started cutting up the piece of bacon when Will entered the kitchen, heading straight to the small dining table and sitting down opposite Merlin. He looked down at his plate, then to Merlin’s, and frowned.

“How come you get bacon and I don’t?”

“Because we only had one piece left and I cooked.” Merlin’s stomach clenched slightly at the lie, but he was annoyed at Will for disrupting his morning - even if it wasn’t his fault - and so felt that he deserved the bacon more than his flatmate. Will shrugged, accepting Merlin’s excuse, and skewered a mushroom on his fork before popping it in his mouth.

They ate in silence. Merlin didn’t know what to say after Will’s outburst in the hallway; all the social rules that he knew told him that he should step carefully around Will and make sure that he was okay. But Merlin knew Will better, and knew that he would rather Merlin carry on as normal, the problem with that being that it didn’t feel right to carry on as if nothing had happened when his best friend’s father had just died, Merlin felt as if he should be asking Will if he was okay once an hour, and letting him off the cleaning rota or whatever so that Will had time to do nothing and grieve in peace. Merlin looked up at Will to see him concentrating on the food in front of him and stuffing his face, and was certain that Will would be his usual self trying to fit thirty hours worth of _stuff_ in a day, and most definitely didn’t want anyone’s pity.

So Merlin kept eating, not saying a word.

His plate was half empty when there was a sound from the other room. Both Merlin and Will paused, looking up from their plates to frown at each other in confusion.  Before they could say anything, it had stopped, only to start again a few seconds later.

“It’s not my phone,” Will said.

“Mine’s always on silent.”

“Maybe someone left theirs last night?” Will went back to his food, and the phone stopped ringing. Merlin’s eyes widened in panic, wondering how Will could have known he’d had people other, and whether he knew about him and Arthur. Merlin’s silence must have been suspicious, because Will looked up again. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice the mess in the living room? I know you can’t drink that much beer on your own. Who was here?”

“Right,” said Merlin, getting his brain back in order because obviously Will wasn’t psychic. “It was just Arthur and the rugby lot, there was a match on that they wanted to watch.”

“I’m surprised you let them come round.”  There was a brief moment of silence, before the ringtone started playing again. “You sure no one left a phone?”

“No, you know them, their phones are practically attached to their hands, and they would have text me by now. Mine must have accidently come off silent. I swear I don’t know what my ringtone is.”

“Someone’s eager to talk to you, then.”

Merlin pushed his chair back and stood up. He tried to leave the room quickly without making it look like he was rushing, but he didn’t know how successful he was, and he really didn’t care that much. All he wanted now was to get Arthur out of the flat as quickly and quietly as possible.

His phone was still ringing, and Merlin followed the sound into his bedroom where he found Arthur sat on the bed, fully dressed, but wearing one of Merlin’s shirts, his own come-smeared one folded on the bed. He held his and Merlin’s phones in his hands. Merlin closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

“Was my phone ringing?” whispered Merlin.

“Yeah, it was me,” Arthur said so quietly that Merlin had to lip read to understand what he was saying.

“Why?”

“Because I could have left while you were distracting Will but I thought I’d say goodbye first.”

“Oh.” Merlin paused. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Arthur stood up, dropping both of the phones on the bed. He took a step closer to Merlin and put his hands on Merlin’s hips. Merlin leaned in for a kiss automatically, but Arthur moved his head out of the way.

“Hey,” Merlin said with a frown. “Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?”

Instead of replying, Arthur grinned cheekily at him, and Merlin whacked him over the head with his hand. Arthur’s smile faded then – he was still smiling but softer, and it took a moment for Merlin to realise that Arthur was being shy again, making Merlin’s insides melt a little, because he had never seen Arthur like this before; he had seen glimpses of it, recently, when they been alone with each other, but never like this. His eyes were wide and bright, one corner of his mouth twitching, as if he was trying to restrain himself from smiling too much, and his hands were holding Merlin gently, a complete opposite to the desperate holding onto each other from the previous night. A lump rose in Merlin’s throat, but before he could try to clear it, Arthur was kissing him.

The kiss was slow, and Merlin savoured every second of it. Neither of them tried to deepen it, preferring to enjoy the feel of lips on lips, pulling away and changing angle before the gentle tugging on each other’s lips resumed. Arthur hummed against Merlin’s mouth, sending vibrations through his body. Merlin shivered and pulled away.

“Will’s going to wonder what’s taking me so long.”

Arthur sighed, stepping away from Merlin and turning his back on him as he ran his hand through his hair. Merlin immediately regretted saying anything.

“What happened to stopping lying to people?”

“Starts Monday?” Merlin smiled, trying to lighten the sudden tension in the room. He knew he had failed when Arthur didn’t turn around. “Do you really want him to walk in on us?”

“No.” Arthur picked up his phone, and turned back to face Merlin. “Come on.”

Letting out a brief sigh of relief, Merlin slowly opened the door, peeking out to make sure that Will wasn’t in the hallway. He wasn’t, and Merlin motioned for Arthur to follow him. They tiptoed down the hall to the front door where Merlin opened it as silently as possible. As Arthur passed him on his way, their hands brushed against each other, and, on a whim, Merlin grabbed onto Arthur’s, pulling him close and kissing him again, this time more forcefully . Arthur gasped in surprise before quickly relaxing into it.

“Hey Merlin, have you moved the – _oh!_ ”

Merlin and Arthur jumped apart, turning around in shock to see Will stood in the entrance to the kitchen, one hand keeping the door open, eyes wide and his mouth moving silently, like a goldfish, at a loss for words. He stood like that for several long seconds, before quickly turning on his heels and walking back into the kitchen without a word.

Merlin took a deep breath and turned back to Arthur, leaning forwards so that their foreheads were touching. He let out a nervous laugh.

“So much for waiting until Monday.”

Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No, I’ll talk to him, you go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Arthur pulled away, smiling his small smile at Merlin and waving goodbye. Merlin waved back, his insides twisting as he watched Arthur walk away from him and down the stairs.

He closed the door. Standing in the hall, Merlin prepared to go back into the kitchen to talk to Will. He could ignore it, and pretend that it hadn’t happened; Merlin was pretty sure that Will wouldn’t bring it up if Merlin carried on as normal, and it would be easy to do, just to walk in, and start talking about the things he had missed while he had been at home, and it would be as if Will hadn’t walked in on Merlin kissing their supposedly straight friend in the doorway.

But Merlin didn’t want to do that. He thought back to Arthur’s smiles this morning, how he had cooked him breakfast, and held him while they were in bed. Without realising it, a grin had grown on his face, and he realised that he wasn’t going to go into the kitchen and tell Will everything because he didn’t like lying to his friends, he was going to do it for Arthur, because Arthur had overcome his fear of relationships and opened up to him, and dammit if he didn’t love Arthur.

He supposed that was something else that would no longer be a secret come Monday.


End file.
